I Don’t Get Around (The Hodophobic’s Lament)

HODOPHOBIA (hō′dō-fō′bē-ă): morbid fear of travelling.

(To the tune of “I’ve Been Everywhere” by Geoff Mack)

It’s a big, wide world. Baby, I should do some travelling,
So I make plans, and my brain begins unravelling.
I mean to call Air Canada, say let’s go on a trip,
But a paralyzing fear of travel has me in its grip.
Thank god I’ve got the internet, so I don’t need to roam,
When Ogema, Saskatchewan, has all I need at home.

CHORUS: I don’t get around, man.
I don’t get around, man.
I’m never outward bound, man.
You know where I’ll be found, man.
I stick to my old home ground, man.
I don’t get around.

I’ve been to
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema.

CHORUS

I’ve been to
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
Ogema, Ogema, Ogema, Ogema,
And there was that day when I went to Radville.

CHORUS

(You think that’s bad? At one point, my fear of travel got so serious,
I couldn’t leave the house for two years!)

I’ve been to the
Bathroom, kitchen, living room, bedroom,
Kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom,
Living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen,
Bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room,
Sun room, rec room, TV room, attic,
And once in the yard for thirteen minutes.

I don’t get around, man.
I don’t get around, man.
I’m never outward bound, man.
You know where I’ll be found, man.
My phobia is renowned, man.

(I know one world you haven’t seen!)

i don’t get around.